[GIVEAWAY!] John Carter of…Meh?

If you were wondering why Disney, home to some of the most successful design and marketing efforts EVER, okay’ed this atrocious Blu-ray cover…you’re not alone.

Just putting it out there: I just plain ol’ didn’t like John Carter.  I wanted to like it, really!  It’s got a little bit o’ history (Reconstruction!), a pinch o’ space apes, and a tiny little loin cloth for Tim Riggins.  Toss in some Jimmy McNulty-as-bad-guy and some pseudo-physics science babble, and seriously, what could be better?

…Well, a lot, apparently.

Lance and I both fell asleep the first time we attempted to watch this film, and only tried again because I was tasked with writing a review of the Blu-ray release for The Disney Blog.  Once the credits started rolling, Lance, wide-eyed in disbelief, uttered, “That is the worst movie I have ever seen.”

I agreed that it was pretty terrible, though I tried to be fair in my review on The Disney Blog; I admit, I pulled my punches.  I also admit that it’s definitely not the greatest piece of critical thought ever written, as I banged it out as I was up against deadline and had only finished watching the movie a half-hour before.  Let’s just put it this way, I’m aware it’s not my best work, but I still think it captures what I thought about the film.

Now, who knew that John Carter had its die-hard fans? (Not the box office, evidently–ZING!) And apparently all of them came out of the Internet’s series of tubes in order to lambast me for not understanding the film, for being a terrible writer, etc. etc.  Not one to shy away from engaging with Internet troll-ery, I concede to my weak writing, but aside from that, my real concern is…are they right about the film?  Is it secretly great, does #33 turn in an understated, Brando-like performance, and I just didn’t “get” it the first time?

Was I just plain ol’ wrong?

What there no flow in the editing of the action scenes for a reason? Was the episodic structure of the film intentionally set up for me to not develop any empathy for the characters? Were the costume designs of the Good Guy Martians and the Bad Guy Martians so purposefully dull and nearly indistinguishable from one another to serve some deep, artistic message?

The last thing I want to do is to dismiss a film, especially one that has as much contextual baggage as John Carter.  I love a lot of underrated movies and that’s why I’m willing to give John Carter another chance, even if it it only turns out to be an opportunity to better clarify what I dislike about the film.

“A Warrior on Earth Becomes a Hero on Mars.” You would’ve saved a lot of money on stickers, Disney, if you just kept the original “John Carter of Mars” title. Sheesh! (photo courtesy of Tom Bricker, http://www.disneytouristblog.com)

SO…that brings me to the John Carter of…Meh? Giveaway Contest.  I have in my hot lil’ hands (you know what they say about a guy with hot hands!) a brand new, factory-sealed copy of the John Carter 2-Disc Blu-ray+DVD pack. (Long and boring story as to how I acquired it for free like two months after its release…but believe me, it was legit!) To celebrate my re-watch, and since Lance will not allow a copy of this film to linger in our house, I’m giving away this copy. Here’s how you’re gonna help me do that:

Between now and next Saturday, August 18th, 2012 at 11:59PM EST, you can enter to win this Blu-ray in one of three ways:

  1. leave a comment to this post, sharing what you do and don’t like about the 2012 film John Carter
  2. OR, like our page on Facebook and leave a comment on what you do and don’t like about the 2012 film John Carter
  3. OR, join me on Twitter (@jcbftw or @LEGJCB) during my Live Tweet Coverage of my John Carter re-watch on Saturday, August 18 at 8:00PM EST, using hashtag #JohnCarterOfMeh

[Why the long delay until my re-watch? I am not allowed to re-play this movie in my house under normal circumstances, but Lance is leaving for Las Vegas on the morning of the 18th for a long weekend of Things Which Shall Not Be Discussed, so I’ll have the TV, my Redbox disc, and my Blu-ray player all to myself.]

I will then select a winner on Sunday, August 19th and alert the winner via e-mail or direct message on Twitter, so make sure you leave a way for me to contact you!

One more technicality: this contest is only open to residents of the United States.  I’m not made of money (for shipping costs), people!

Okay, let’s do this thing!


Walt Disney World 2012 Day Three Trip Report

Click here for our Day One coverage….

and here for our Day Two coverage.

Now, onto Day Three!

Day 3: Alright, confession time.  This was the day in our trip where I didn’t really know what to expect.  Here was the itinerary I sorta laid out:

8:00am-9:00am: Take advantage of Hollywood Studios’ Extra Magic Hours to finally experience Toy Story Midway Mania

9:00am-1:00pm: Animal Kingdom

1:15-2:30pm: Lunch at Sanaa, in the Animal Kingdom Lodge Kidani Village

3:00pm-6:00pm: Blizzard Beach

See, I’d only been to Animal Kingdom once before, back in 2004, and was massively underwhelmed.  As its newest park, it’s also the resort’s most spartan in terms of attractions (the addition of Avatarland will help address that, though, as I’m sure many Disney-philes feel, I’m kinda sad Disney didn’t reach into its own catalog and pull out stuff from The Lion King or something like that instead. Maybe that’s too obvious…) Granted, I should note that, the one day I visited some eight years ago, it was also pouring down rain, it was pre-Expedition: Everest, and I was with my freshman year roommate, so things like Camp Minnie-Mickey didn’t really appeal to us.

I wanted to give Animal Kingdom another shot, though, since I know there’s a small but ardent fan base for the park.  Did I just miss something the first time around? The schedule was tight, but I thought we could do most of the major Animal Kingdom attractions in about 4 hours.

Well, as it turns out, after staying in the Magic Kingdom the night before until 2:00am and not getting back to the hotel until 3:00, we were bushed, and I couldn’t get myself to wake up at 7:00am to get my butt over to Hollywood Studios for the Toy Story ride.  We were working on a combined 9 hours of sleep over the past two nights and I just had to sleep in…until 8:00am.

Was I ever going to get to ride Toy Story Midway Mania??