Continuing our theme for this week, “Lance and Jeff are terrible human beings,” I am going to admit something part-embarrassing, part-justifiably hilarious:
Whenever we’re out in public, like at the grocery store or at the mall, I have developed an involuntary respons when I hear an infant innocently coo or squeal in delight. Under my breath, I say, with a dash of dramatic venom, “Shut up, baby!”
This is probably my mind’s way of reacting to Lance’s Baby Clock (it’s a-tickin’). Not that I don’t want to have kids, but…I’m also terribly selfish and want to spend my money on DVD season sets of “Supernatural” instead of diapers…at least for right now. Priorities, people!
I’m just waiting for the day when some dad (or mom; we’re progressive!) overhears me when I accidentally scold their wee child a little too loudly. I imagine it will unfold kinda like this scene from “The Simpsons.”