So Long, Dummies: Saying Goodbye to “30 Rock”

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My “TGS with Tracy Jordan” mug, which I’ve been particularly cherishing these last few weeks.

I probably won’t cry when “30 Rock”‘s last tag plays around 8:59 tonight.  It wasn’t that kind of show.

What “30 Rock” did, and was great at, was throwing jokes at you faster than you could process them all. (It’s re-watchability factor is outrageously high.)  It wasn’t about sentimentality, or forced drama (OMG, is Rachel going to choose Ross or Joey?? #ugh); it was a joke machine.  It didn’t always work, and some of the show’s jokes weren’t for everybody, but it’s the only show I know of where something made me laugh out loud every episode.  And as Lance will tell you, anything that gets me to demonstrate emotion has got to be special.

A lot of news outlets and blogs will be musing on “what ’30 Rock’ means” today, so feel free to check those out if you’re so inclined.  I’m not going to do that; what “30 Rock” meant to me was a good laugh every week for seven years.  I enjoyed this show so much I even wrote to Tina–and she responded! (Probably one of the most joyous moments of my life, sad to say…)

Thanks for the laughs, “30 Rock.”  To commemorate your finale, here’re 30 of the jokes which made me laugh over the years: 

  • “Hey nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? This moi!” (“Succession,” Season 2)
  • “I wolfed my Teamsters’ sub for you!” (“Sandwich Day,” Season 2)
  • “It’s ‘business drunk.’ It’s like ‘rich drunk;’ either way, it’s legal to drive.” (“Succession,” Season 2)
  • “Last night I had sex with Paula, and neither of us was wearing a Walkman.” (“I Heart Connecticut,” Season 5)
  • “Someone get a PA to feed me baby food, or I will drop a D in the green room. Yeah. Last week you thought I was crying wolf, didn’tcha?” (“Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning,” Season 5)
  • “For instance, Jack taught me not to wear tan slacks with a tan turtleneck. I thought it looked nice, but he, rightly, pointed out that it made me look like a giant condom.” (“Mrs. Donaghy,” Season 5)
  • “I’ve been a GE man for 25 years, and a GE woman for one week of corporate espionage.” (“College,” Season 5)
  • “This is why I hated my first two weeks at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks: No one knew who was the sluttiest. But I showed them. Oh, I showed them all.” (“College,” Season 5)
  • “Ron, that was terrible. Here’s some constructive criticism: go kill yourself.” (“Governor Dunston,” Season 7)
  • “I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut.” (“Reaganing,” Season 5)
  • “Okay, fine, maybe I’m a little old-fashioned. I’m sorry I’m a real woman and not some over-sexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond.” (“Reaganing,” Season 5)
  • “I’m going to have to reinvent you, break you down completely and build you up from scratch, just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.” (“Let’s Stay Together,” Season 5)
  • “The writers can’t take a car service at night anymore. I’ve crunched the numbers, and it’s cheaper for us to just replace anyone who gets murdered.” (“The Fabian Strategy,” Season 5)
  • “Drama is like gay-man Gatorade. It replenishes their electrolytes.” (“Sun Tea,” Season 4)
  • “I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” (“The Problem Solvers,” Season 4)
  • “Do you need a sex tape released? ‘Cause I got a weird one: It’s night vision and you can see that his buddy is robbing me.” (“Jackie Jormp-Jomp,” Season 3)
  • “I can’t go back to teaching high-school math! Those girls act like they’re not women yet, but they are.” (“Cutbacks,” Season 3)
  • “They do that a lot in movies: An Affair to RememberSleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack.” (“Senor Macho Solo,” Season 3)
  • “One time at summer camp I kissed a girl on a dare, but then she drowned.” (“Believe in the Stars,” Season 3)
  • “I love this cornbread so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.” (“Hardball,” Season 1)
  • “Here’s some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it’s Shark Week.” (“Jack the Writer,” Season 1)
  • “Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.” (“Pilot,” Season 1)
  • “Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you have time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?” (“Stone Mountain,” Season 4)
  • “Guaranteed mistake, like eating a burrito before sex.” (“Cooter,” Season 2)
  • “Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a country steaks all-you-can-eat buffet and I didn’t leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp.” (“Fireworks,” Season 1)
  • “That word bums be out unless it’s between the words ‘meat’ and ‘pizza.'” (“Reaganing,” Season 5)
  • “Stop eating people’s old french fries, pigeon! Have some self-respect. Don’t you know you can fly?” (“Somebody to Love” Season 2)
  • “Werewolf bar mitzvah, spooky, scary! Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves!” (“Jack Gets In The Game,” Season 2)
  • “You are my heroine. And by heroine, I mean, ‘lady hero.’ I don’t mean I want to inject you and listen to jazz.” (“Rosemary’s Baby,” Season 2)
  • “Lemon, lesbian Frankenstein wants her shoes back.” (“College,” Season 5)
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One thought on “So Long, Dummies: Saying Goodbye to “30 Rock”

  1. Pingback: Weekly Round Up: February 12 | Mouse on the Mind

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