Unfortunately, friends, even though Lance loves birthdays, he does not like his birthday being acknowledged by restaurant waitstaff (this is part of a larger issue with public attention being directed toward Lance at all. Must’ve been due to his legendary turn as Motel in his high school production of Fiddler on the Roof.)
Every year when we go out for his birthday dinner, I joke about how I’m gonna get the waiters to sing whatever copyright-abiding “Happy Birthday” ditty they’ve written for the restaurant.
…And every year, Lance’s death-stare and verbal responses get more and more extreme:
2008: “If they sing, I will immediately walk out of this restaurant.”
2009: “If you make them sing, I will slit your throat.”
2010: “If they sing to me, I will rip out your intestines and churn them up in a blender.”
2011: “If they sing, I’m going to stab out your eyeballs and pour a cauldron of boiling oil on you.”
Who knows what 2012 will bring…!!!!