Through the Queer Window

Our awesome pal Brian recently asked me to further explain my thoughts on gay culture and why I feel so uncomfortable interacting with many other gay men. Β Admittedly, I’ve been struggling to come up with a coherent, concise statement that does justice to how I feel.

To sum up: I often feel judged by other gays, and I am not a person to easily tolerate criticism, so I find myself avoiding interacting with other gay men to save myself the grief (this is different from the “hetero judging all us gays, like, all the time” since there’s an added layer of shared “otherness” which should unite us, but usually makes judgment feel like a much bigger betrayal of our commonality). Β I’m not psych major, but this seems like a vicious cycle, a recipe for disaster.

I came across the video below on TowleroadΒ today, which I found very illuminating; it also does a much better job of addressing where this sense of judgment comes from than anything I could’ve thrown together. Since it comes from a psychptherapist (who is fabulously dressed/groomed, I must say. #Empowerment!), it actually has some legitimacy, too:

…So, yep, that’s basically my sense of what happens within the gay community, and only rarely do I find some other gay who doesn’t outwardly project that judgment at me, which is why I’m light on gay friends but am a fairly content person. Β Of course, we’d love to get to know some more non-judgmental gays…but there isn’t an app for that. 😦

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5 thoughts on “Through the Queer Window

    1. I guess that’s my point–it’s can be a pervasive, cyclical component of the gay community. Some can handle it and operate within/around that judgment, others, like myself, cannot easily operate within it. That’s why I often find myself avoiding social situations (I should stress that) with other gays. Is preemptive avoidance a form of judgment? Yes, and I admit that a lot of that is rooted internally in many of the issues discussed in the video in the post. I’m not claiming innocence here, but I am trying to describe, however clumsily, where/how I feel comfortable and where/how I don’t.

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