The Lance & Jeff Glossary of Terms

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There comes a day in every relationship when something you say aloud gives you pause. It could be, “Don’t be unlurp!” or perhaps, “I forgot my umbie today and it’s going to rain!”

That’s right: you and your partner have slowly established your own sub-dialect, a sugary-sweet (well, one hopes its that more than venomously vitriolic) concoction of pig latin-esque nonsense which sounds more like names of Pokemon than actual English.

This will only intensify as you bring dumber creatures into your life (i.e., pets or children), and you feel the need to introduce baby talk into an already warped nonstandard language.

For example, here’s a conversation that I might have with Lance on any given day:

Me: “Ripley, has Daddy #1 fed’ed you yet?”

Ripley: “Arf?”

Lance: “Daddy #1 fed’ed Rippy fifteen mims ago.”

[Kitty (also known as Meepy, Janney, Miss Regaltons, and Littlest Boo) enters]

Kitty: “Mrrroooww?”

Lance [to Kitty]: “Kitty, did Daddy #2 forget to clean your poop rocks again?”

Me [ashamed]: “Yes, Daddy #2 will do it right now…”

Lance: “How unlurp!”

Now, Lance and I can follow this pidgin language just fine, but I can only imagine how we come across to others when we accidentally let it slip out in public.  There have been a few times, like when I said at work, “Aww, man, I forgot my umbie!” and, upon realizing my shameful error, quickly added, “…rella!” My co-workers must’ve been thinking, “What the hell is an umbierella?”

Since this blog is where we go to publicly embarrass ourselves anyway, let’s go over just a few of the many terms Lance and I employ on a daily basis:

  • Daddy #1: Lance, ’cause he’s older
  • Daddy #2: Jeff, since I’m younger and generally inferior
  • Rippy/Pippy/Ripley Doodle/Little Pip: Ripley the Magical Pup
  • Kitty/Meepy Meepykins/Littlest Boo/Miss Regaltons/Kitty Boo/Dumb Bitch (that’s Lance’s): Janney the cat
  • PNFF: the acronym for “Partner n’ Friend Forever.”
  • Mims: what Lance sleepily requests every weekday morning when Jeff attempts to wake him up (translation: minutes)
  • Pei Wizzles: Lance and Jeff’s dinner of choice (translation: Pei Wei Asian Diner)
  • -izzles: A suffix to basically any type of food (i.e., pizza would be “pizzles,” )
  • Hungrizzle: Hungry, which leads to our other uses of -izzle
  • SB: Starbucks
  • B-B-Dubs: Bath & Body Works (not to be confused with Cottonelle Moist Wipes, which are called “B-Dubs”…you figure it out)
  • Fringies: Lance’s favorite TV show, “Fringe”
  • Poop rocks: Cat litter
  • Buggy: Shopping cart
  • Unlurp: what Jeff calls Lance when Lance is being grumpy (translation: unloving)
  • That’s lurp!: what Jeff says to Lance when Lance does something nice (translation: loving)
  • Doll babies: Jeff’s collectible figurines (translation: Marvel Mighty Muggs)
  • Umbie: an item used to protect Lance and/or Jeff from the rain (translation: umbrella)
  • Dins: Dinner (related: “What’s for dins?” is the universal signal for “Lance wants pizza for dinner”)
  • Ouce cream: Ice cream (borrowed from Michelle Tanner)
  • Pennum: A nonsense word that Lance once repeated empathically as he was coming out of a heavy sleep. Now used sparingly as meaningless word vomit

The above list is by no means exhaustive; heck, we probably say stupid crap all the time and don’t even realize it.

What’re some examples of your homegrown relationship vocabulary?

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