Just the other day, I said to Lance, “Y’know, like 95% of our fights are really dumb.”
“More like 100%,” he replied.
Then maybe 12 hours later, the following happened:
It’s 2:45pm or so, and we just got out of a screening of The Amazing Spider-Man. You know, a 12:00 noon showing is just so hard to plan around; not only does it affect your entire day by being smack-dab in the middle, but you have to consider whether or not to eat lunch beforehand or afterward.
(I played the field and just ate at both times, to be sure.)
Well, Lance decided to wait until after the film to eat lunch. And, you know, I’m not blaming him or anything, but Lance gets kinda cranky when he’s hungry.
As we left the theatre, Lance asked me what I want for lunch. Since we had to run to the outlets after the film, going back home wasn’t really an option.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. Through some weird mapping of synapses in my brain, I can never think of restaurant options off the top of my head.
“How about that Arby’s we passed on the way here?” Lance offered.
“Oh, sure,” I said, then reconsidered. “Is that on the way to the outlets?”
“It’s probably ten minutes out of the way,” said Lance.
Urgh. We still had to run errands and get home for the dog; I thought it just wasn’t worth going a cumulative 20 minutes out of our way for a Big Beef N’ Cheddar.
“Well,” I said, after I thought about it, “I want Arby’s, but I don’t want to go out of the way for it.”
[Readers, please note that last sentence fragment.]
“Okay,” Lance responded. “How about Sonic? It’s up near the outlets.”
And so we were on the way to Sonic, or at least that’s what I thought.
Lance wasn’t quite sure of how to get to Sonic, so he asked me to plug the address into our GPS. Our GPS is a few years old now and it sometimes takes awhile for it to “acquire satellites,” so I made the off-handed comment, “Jeez, by the time this loads, we could’ve been to Arby’s and back.”
Well, Lance took this comment, coupled with my earlier admission that I preferred Arby’s, to mean that I was being indecisive. First, I wanted Arby’s, no wait!, I wanted Sonic (I really didn’t, I just thought it was more convenient and was okay with that), check that!, I wanted Arby’s again.
“Will you just make a decision, please?” he asked, with just a pinch of irritation in his voice.
“What?” I asked. “I thought we were going to Sonic…?”
Lance then spotted a sign on the highway indicating that an Elevation Burger was off the next exit. “Okay, how about that?”
I shrugged, indifferent. “That’s fine. You have a free burger there, right?” (Lance had earned a free one through their frequent-fatty loyalty program.)
Okay, I thought. Elevation Burger is good. It’s better than Sonic, and Lance doesn’t have to pay anything. Win-win!
No, not win-win. Whomp whomp.
When I confirmed that Elevation Burger was okay with me, Lance got “that look” on his face. At first, I took this to mean he didn’t really want to eat at Elevation Burger, and was just trying to come up with new ideas for me to pick from. Obviously, I didn’t want either of us to be completely miserable with where we went for lunch, so I said, “Look, let’s not go here, let’s just go to Sonic.”
That when the bleep hit the fan; or rather, when Lance slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road. (He contests that this actually happened as he was approaching a red light and was a completely safe and legal traffic maneuver; only God knows for sure.)
“ARGH!” he yelled (or some equivalent, unspellable groan of exasperation). “Will you just make up your $#*%#! mind?!”
At this point, my defenses were up, which is never a good thing, because my brain sort of stalls while my mouth keeps going. “I don’t understand why you are freaking out right now!”
“Because you can’t make a $%*#& decision!!” he responded. I think, at this point, we were still braked in the middle of traffic.
I responded, still dumbfounded that this had escalated in such a quick and strange way. “Oh my God, you’re such a freak sometimes!”
[See what I mean about my mouth running while my brain’s stopped?]
In my mind, my decision was perfectly straightforward: I’d rather have Arby’s, but I don’t want to go out of my way; therefore, Sonic is an acceptable substitute. I assumed Elevation Burger was put on the table by the other party as something he was more interested in than Sonic. Elevation Burger is yummy (where’s my free burger compensation for that plug, Elevation??), so Elevation Burger trumps Sonic, if we both agree that it is, indeed, yummy. That’s super-clear right?
To Lance, I was being wishy-washy and trying to defer the ultimate decision to him (he also does not like making decisions). I wanted this, but no, I really wanted that, but let’s go with this since it’s easier, but wait, then there’s this… that sort of thing.
This really comes down to miscommunication and empty tummies making for some irritable boys. Yes, I totally regret calling Lance a “freak,” and no matter how much I thought I was in the right about the argument, name-calling got me justifiably DQ’ed.
I just need to keep in mind for future reference that Lance is 100% completely right all the time forever. Right, honey?
Have this be a lesson to you fledging relationships out there: you’re going to fight over stupid stuff. It’s inevitable. But for the love of Gaga, PLEASE be more dignified than basing a fight over Arby’s vs. Sonic Drive-In. Is that really the soft, pudgy hill you want to die on?
Yeesh, we are pathetic.