The Cat Comments

Welcome readers to a new feature here on LEG+JCB. “The Cat Comments” will be the sounding board for Kitty to share her uncensored thoughts on such heavy topics as Iran’s nuclear ambitions and preferred approaches to belly rubbin’.

Kitty, what are your thoughts on your owners’ recent acquisition of a dog? Love/hate? Are you plotting something truly dastardly in retaliation?–Macaroon, Vancouver, BC

Macaroon,

I a-purr-preciate the concern (wordplay!), though to reveal my machinations in detail as they progress would be foolhardy.

That vicious beast known as Ripley is a horrific monster. Never before have I heard such a blood-curdling cacaphony as when that mongrel is left alone for longer than two minutes. Whine whine whine, bark bark bark.  Why do you so require unremitting attention, dog? Seriously, if I had two people hovering over me all the time, I’d kill myself!  Give me some space to meditate and plot, for crying out loud.

Though the dog has encroached on my domain, thinking himself an easy king, he is dreadfully mistaken.  I get close, offering an olive branch of a sniff, an innocent meow.  Like any mangy mutt, he will succumb to laziness and complacency, accepting me as his “pal” and “playmate.”

That’s when I will strike.

…Until then, I wait. And plan.

Long-time reader, first-time poster here. Kitty, love your stuff. I’m having issues: I want to sleep in the bed with my owners, but one of them just tosses and turns all night. Where’s the best place to sleep: the foot of the bed? Near the top?–Cinnamon, Bronx, NY

I hear ya, sister! I’ve got one of those myself.  He’s up and down, up and down all night long, rolling around like a fat kid at a meatball factory.  My solution? Guilt your slaves (remember, you are the master of this domain, not any hairless primate!) into purchasing a lil’ bed for you to place at the food of the bed; it’ll offer you some added protection and offer a more sizable bulk that will deter your owner from rolling over you.

Kitty: Big fan. What’s your favorite junk food to indulge yourself with when your owners are gone and you’ve just had a bad day?–Bongo, Sarasota, FL

You know, Bongo, I’m just not a big ice cream gal. I’ve tried, but maybe I’m just lactose intolerant. My guilty pleasure, besides the RAW PRIMAL CRAZY provided by deli turkey, is actually the caramel-sugar coating on, well, pretty much anything. Have you tried a caramel corn rice cake? If not, you haven’t lived! The subtle notes of caramel, the burst of caramel flavor, the caramel caramel caramel!

Excuse me while I encourage my selves to fatten themselves up with some kettle corn; I’ll reap the benefits of dropped kernels.

Kitty: Gale or Peeta?–Catniss, Scottsdale, AZ

Is this even a conversation that people are having? Have you seen Liam Hemsworth? Well, have you??

Submit your question to Kitty in our comments section!

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