Flick-Fil-A: Immortals

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Lance and Jeff, bringing you 5-month-old movie reviews! Or, let’s reframe this as: “This just became available on Netflix, should you rent it?”

Remember “Immortals,” which came out last fall and relied more on its convenient release date (11-11-11) during its promotion than any aspect of the film itself?

Have you ever said to yourself, “Man, that girl from ‘Slumdog Millionaire’? I’d love to see her butt in the least sexy and sensual way possible!” Then this film is for you! We, however, found it less than satisfying.

Lance loves mythology stuff, which is why we decided to Redbox “Immortals” over the weekend. And like most movie adaptations of Greek mythology, accuracy in this film is spotty at best. In fact, the only reason this movie seems to exist, beyond cashing in on the “Clash of the Titans” gravy train [/sarcasm], is to highlight Henry Cavill’s chiseled torso. And boy, does it ever.  I guess showcasing a shirtless and obviously greased up Cavill for a good two-thirds of the movie was an attempt on the producer’s part to distract the audience from realizing that this is really a film about phoning-in Mickey Rourke-As-Every-Character-He’s-Played-In-The-Last-Five-Years trying to find a magical bow.

Director Tarsem Singh (yes, the same dude behind–I’m calling it now!–the record-breaking Razzie Award winner “Mirror Mirror”) knows to how infuse a lot of style in his films, and this is a gorgeous Blu-Ray to watch, but as a film it just sort of meanders with several incongruous transitions and, as expected, a real lack of any interesting characters. The best stab at character development occurs near the beginning of them film, when Rourke delivers a truly painful exposition-y monologue, which is only slightly redeemed by the pun, “Let me enlighten you, priest” before, you got it, setting a priest on fire.

Oh, and if you’re renting solely for this avante garde turn by Kellan Lutz, prepare to be disappointed: he only has one line.

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2 thoughts on “Flick-Fil-A: Immortals

  1. “Man, that girl from ‘Slumdog Millionaire’? I’d love to see her butt in the least sexy and sensual way possible!” Then this film is for you! We, however, found it less than satisfying.”

    A- That was me.
    B- So the butt’s less than satisfying or the movie? (rhetorical)

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